John Wayne by any other name...

I know I've been away for a while, spent the last few weeks trolling various cruise ships trying to come down with an e coli infection from the food in order to take down their demonic empires from the inside.  No such luck.  Only thing I did was gain thirty-seven pounds from shell fish buffets and develop a taste for the Reese's Pieces Martini.

But I came back just in time to catch this:

Now it may or may not be obvious from my postings here on this blog, but I love America.  And loving America means I love the greatest American that ever lived, Marion Morrison.  In a real life application of the "Boy Named Sue" style of parenting, Marion grew up and became known to the world as John Wayne.  Now I love John Wayne so much that I personally police his wikipedia entry 24/7... one of three things I don't farm out to day laborers I pick up outside the Parsippany, NJ Home Depot off RT 46.  I love John Wayne so much that I have this above my bed:

I love John Wayne so much - you know, taking a moment to look at that picture outside the context of my bedroom shrine, I can see why some of the women I bring home look at me funny or say "Okay, that's cool if you're into that."

Anyway, point being, I love John Wayne so much that I know for a fact that his hometown isn't Waterloo, IA, it's in fact Winterset, IA.  So I got to thinking, Michele Bachmann is a sharp, on-the-ball politician who isn't known for confusing her facts.  So just who was she trying to compare herself to?  The answer?  America's other famous JW... John Wayne Gacy.

Yes, the same John Wayne Gacy who was executed by lethal injection in 1994 for the rape and murder of 33 boys, some of whom he kept in a crawl space, the rest he dumped in a nearby river.  The same guy who had to wear this to work everyday:

That's who Michele Bachmann compared herself to.  And thanks to Fox News spreading the story, rather than correct Bachmann and make her look bad, they will now try to rewrite history and make the real John Wayne's birthplace Waterloo, IA.

That makes John Wayne's wiki the front lines for this rewrite.  Guess I'm in for a seventy-two-straight-hour wikipedia stake out to stop Fox Nation from trying to corrupt the real John Wayne's entry just to help out Bachmann.

The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere: As Told By Sarah Palin

My only response to watching that?

I'm starting to wonder if I even need to comment on anything Sarah Palin says at this point.  At least she defended herself with the same tenacity as the following dog running into a wall:

I hope her classy Constitution bus never runs out of gas and she keeps on keeping on with reporters because the internet can never have too many funny clips.

In other news, I apparently have seen Rep. Anthony Weiner's soft-on through a pair of boxer briefs.  Why in the name of all that is holy do we live in a world where I've seen that silhouette?  And in case you missed it... here it is!!!

I'm not a classy guy in the least.  You've probably guessed that by now.  But for fuck's sake, when I take a shot of my junk, I know the world is protected because I have no idea how to use any functions on my smart phone.  Rep. Weiner appears to know just enough to confuse sending a text to posting to twitter.  When my father had no idea how to program the VCR, there was never any danger of a high school teenager getting a sext from him.  An affair was just an affair, something between two people assuming they were both decent liars with a clear understanding of where things were headed at the beginning... something she says I lost sight of and that's why she has to end it even though there's no way I'm letting go that easy because I will totally boil her rabbit.  Today's technology raises the stakes.

So my heartfelt sorrow to Rep. Weiner's family.  You are married to/fathered by a guy who takes shots of his own junk and doesn't know how to work his phone.