When is Beef not Beef?
The American media has always had it in for one of the staples of my diet, Taco Bell, and now they are going after Taco Bell's "beef" tacos. The fact that I now have to put Taco Bell "beef" inside quotes sickens my stomach, but that's the media for you.
Apparently some socialist decided to call Taco Bell's bluff about what they actually put inside their food and found out that the product Taco Bell uses to fill its "beef" taco doesn't meet the federal requirements necessary to call something beef. The USDA requires products called beef to contain 40% actual beef (seems like they are setting the bar a little high just to prevent competition) and Taco Bell's taco filler only gets to the 36% mark. Honestly, what's a measly 4% among friends? Just think how many American successes occurred throughout history because we weren't a bunch of clenched-ass hall monitors quibbling over 4%.
Sure, the labels used on Taco Bell's internal packaging meet the guidelines -
- but if I wanted to know exactly what I was eating, I wouldn't be standing in a Taco Bell Drive-Thru at 3am because that's the only part of the store open when I'm batshit hallucinating and need a snack. In fact, just to show my support, I'm going to mix the most there-is-no-God hallucinogenic cocktail I can muster and hit up a Bell right now.
Screw all of you muckrakers and go back to 1985's Mother Russia. As a side benefit, this will also get me out of having to fill in the gap in Chapter 1 that I left in my last blog post. Writer's block came on hard and fast.
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